Day 37 - Sleeping Cycle

Both my sisters have children and when challenges arise (think habits such as sleeping, eating, no biting) inevitably comparisons will be drawn to us when we were children. If my mom is not present, usually the conversations between us three sisters reels towards this (Note - don't worry about who said what. The culprit changes every time): 

"You were always picky as an eater. You used to dip fish in ketchup and lick it off."
"You used to ride the hobby horse naked." 
"I was two!"
"Tramp!"
"Mom nearly picked up a rat one time thinking it was one of your gerbils that got out."
"You were the one that dragged me into that empty boy's academy behind the house and we stole school berets!" (Note: Long story.)
"You wet the upper bunk of the camper bed and it rained down on Aunt Kay!"

If my mom is present, she'll graciously allow us to continue on for about 20 minutes before doling out corrections along the lines of, "No, that wasn't you. That was you."

The point of this liturgy is that I never once remember my mom saying that I was a bad sleeper - that is I pretty much went to sleep when I was supposed to go to sleep.

I wonder where that is now, that ease of sleeping. I've allowed my sleeping schedule to gravitate a bit from the norm in an attempt to determine my natural resting pattern. When working, I normally would get to bed around 9, read and have lights out by 9:30 or 10. Before you snark, I would get up at 5 or (if I slept late) 6 the next morning. 

Now, I've moved towards a later bedtime. It could be (gasp) midnight before I'm tired enough to turn the lights out. Problem is, I still have the internal alarm clock that comes crowing at 6 a.m. And it crows loud and long. Hence, for me - this is serious sleep deprivation. While geniuses such as Alfred Einstein, Da Vinci  and that kid down the street your mom always compared you to have bragged that they only need a couple of hours of sleep each night, I need a solid 8 in order to contribute to society in a positive manner. If I mix in a couple of naps (or at least one) maybe I can stay human instead of hulking out. Maybe. Or maybe I'll become a genius. Let's just wait and see. 

Unemployment, the New Bonding Agent

I've taken a second office in the local dog park. The weather isn't too bad (most of the time), my dog gets to frolic (that's her on the right) and there are plastic chairs. Today, I shunned my normal armory (smart phone and book) and chatted with a woman who owns a beagle. While her dog softly mauled mine in a play match (to ... the ... DEATH!!!) we started the old routine of small talk.

A few observations about people with dogs. Actually women with dogs.

1. Within three minutes, if they have children or a husband it will be stated (or alluded to.) 
2. Expect a majority of your chat to center around the dogs. (Oh, look - our dogs are playing together. I hope they wear each other out.)
3. There will be awkward silences every now and then until you can find another subject in common that you can transition to.

It just so happened that me and the beagle owner were able to transition to another subject. Here were some cues from her conversation:

1. I come here for a couple of hours every day.
2. I've been working out a lot. It helps me stay sane, all the endorphins. 
3. There aren't a lot of jobs out there.

So we tentatively embarked on a new strain of conversation. Mutual unemployment.  And after a bit of a hesitant start, we soon were doing the compare and contrast exchange. Her story: She has to dumb down her resume in order to get some responses. (Who knew having a Masters would be considered dead weight?) My story: The sun will come out ... tomorrow. (But softly. No one likes over-optimism.)  In a lot of ways, it was like finding a kindred soul - finding out that other people have felt the same way I do, are worried, are searching, are rejected and don't have the answers they need.

Funny how complex our reactions are when all we need to do is make a buck. 

Day 36 - Three for Friday

Just when I thought my resume was falling into the same void from whence Heidi Montag's CD was birthed (and subsequently buried), I got a bite. Or three. Bullets follow with more information. Please be sure to put "potential" in front of each description. After all, a bite is nice but it ain't dinner.

• (Potential)(See? I'm helping you out.) gig for an agency, freelance work
• Position for PR/communications for a Fortune 500 corporation (via a recruiter, so I have no idea what company this would be, however I'm fairly certain it is not Enron) and
• Community affairs job for a grocery store chain

Will it play out like a cheesy gameshow?

Chuck, I pick curtain number three! 

What's behind curtain number three? Is it the financially uncertain but fairly boss-free/autonomous  existence? Or the pressure-cooker job with a potential raise? Or the civic-minded detail paying about 1/2 of what you made before? Let's see!

Day 35 - Just like the Negligent Spouse ...

Much like the clueless honey bunny that forgets a loved one's important date or perhaps a manufactured romantic holiday, I forgot my own anniversary. February 22 was my month-mark of unemployment. (What is the gift for a month anniversary? I vote a milkshake.)

Perhaps I'll light some candles, heat up a TV dinner and sift through my work search log. Ah the memories. (I remember applying for that job. Oh, that was a horrible cover letter. Look! An early version of my resume. So cute.) You know, I think it is paper for the one-month mark. Definitely paper.

Day 34 - Experimentation, Organization and Research

Today, after some job hunting, branding and in-general yapping, er networking, I took my productivity in a whole new direction. Allow me to elaborate with one of my favorite writing weapons: My friend, the bullet point(s). (Hello bullet points! So good to see you. Please take it from here.)

• Experimentation: I conducted an extensive search (at least 2 Google search result pages) on neti pots. Upon reading at least 4 separate accounts of its effectiveness, I then determined to find the poor man's alternative (I mean really, do I want to spend $10+ bucks on this?) Upon ascertaining that you can use a rubber bulb in a neti pot's place, I cleaned out an old ear bulb (yes, it is gross but I did clean it first)  and proceeded to inject luke-warm saline water into my nostrils. Results: 1. I looked like an absolute fool with water trickling out of my nostrils and down my face and neck. (Hence, no pictures for this entry.) 2. Perhaps I didn't use enough force when injecting the water. I only felt it trickle into my throat once. I think it's supposed to do that more often. (Perhaps use a garden hose next time?) 3. My allergies actually felt a little better afterward. Conclusion: Poor man's neti pot works.
• Organization: After a nap to recover from the potting, I knocked a tick off my lay off list and organized my food pantry. This is the first time in my life I have accomplished such a feat. First. Time. I now think that should I have a stranger march into my house and declare that he will fix me dinner, he will have little to no problem locating the two cans of beans, tea, cereal, peanut butter and various storage bags now properly housed there. Conclusion: The work actually gave me something that makes me happy about the pantry other than the food itself. And food makes me very happy. Success.
• Research: Dominick Dunne told me today who killed Peter Shellard, an Australian millionaire in 2005. (Sidenote: Thank you, TruTV. I'm becoming quite fond of you despite the misspelling.) He was tortured and killed by two drug addicts and his girlfriend. Intrigued, I decided to Google "millionaire australian murder" and see how our wealthy friends fare down under. Herman Rockefeller met some swingers who promptly murdered him and burnt his corpse on Australia Day. Michael McGurk was gunned down in front of his son, with some believing it was due to a recording he may have had that could devastate (and decimate)  the New South Wales government. Conclusion: Stay the hell away from Australia if you are rich. Just in case.

Now if you'll pardon me, I've embraced the theme of government corruption and am one click from watching Red Riding 1974. TTFN.

The Red Queen Effect

Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that! - Red Queen, in Louis Carroll's Through the Looking Glass.

Even a fictitious queen from 19th-century children's book gets to be snotty about job searches.

It's an endless, full-speed cycle this job hunting business: Network, stalk recruiters, scour job listings, pump hands, pitch, sing and dance like Gene Kelly, take peyote and learn to say your name in Middle English and write it in runes. (Well, that's almost the pattern. But you'd be surprised how often those obscure things can be helpful. Not often, BUT it is great fun to recite the Canterbury Tales intro in Middle English. My ninth grade English teacher had me memorize it. Yeah, I can forget algebra and every bit of science but that jewel never gets burned out of my brain pan.)

Perhaps even more obnoxious (and relevant to job searchers) is the fact that there's a whole evolution theory tied to the Red Queen (the Red Queen Hypothesis). Described as an evolutionary arms race, it basically says, "Oh, you can't reach that? You're arms are too short?* Well mine aren't. And my whole species' aren't. You ain't gonna last long around here." (This is an extremely technical description, so if you have questions let me know.)

And such is the scatter-patter of job searching. Your arms better be longer, your experience better be better, your salary reqs lower and btw, please exhibit the skill sets of five completely different jobs.

There's talk that jobs are opening up, but unemployment continues to rise. There's talk of salvation (and success stories), but there's also talk of frustration.

Me, I'll just push forward with the Red Queen's advice and see where I end up.

* Disclosure: My family calls me stubby arms. It goes over really well during Rummikub games when I can't reach the tiles.

Day 33 - A Cold Day in Austin

It's snowing in Austin. Based on the unprecedented nature of this phenomenon and its big, fat semi-wet flakes, does this also mean I'll get get a job soon? 

Day 30 - Skills Erosion

Is it possible to lose all the skills I've built up during my 10-plus-year career within 30 days? 

What good will I do my new employer (whenever that happens) if I can no longer finesse my way off a conference call that doesn't even need me? 

Or use my powers of good to force a decision maker to make a decision (in writing, of course. Otherwise it just doesn't matter)?   

[Sidenote: Follow the above link, watch the clip. It's worth it. But finish reading this post first. It's going to be riveting. Amazing. The best post this side of the Rio Grande. Mark Twain will get out of his grave and walk thousands of miles to my front door solely to pat my back. Oh wait. That's it. Night.] 

Day 29 - One Application, One Meeting and Multiple Hours of Slack-Jawed Distraction

Application submission to a Fortune 500 corp. Check.

One meeting with a local business man with good ties into the non-profit world. Check.

Three hours of online mahjong. Check. Oh - wait. Make that four.

Day 28 - Selling off my Experience (Just like Undergoing Medical Experiments! Whee! Here Comes the Needle!)

My latest obsession? Trolling Craig's List for one-offs. 

Hello marketing research company that needs information about how I shop for goods online. Oooohhh - I get a $50 gift card for a half-day's work? Insert squeal [here] (and be sure it is piercing.)

Hello conference calling firm that would like to record to the last nth my experience with different products and services. For you, I shall be the queen of conference calls. And in return, I shall get a $50 honorarium. (Do you see a pattern here in remuneration?)

Folks, I am one step away from responding to some oddly phrased ad in a college rag: "Wanted: People with a high tolerance for pain, no immediate family members within a 50-mile radius and a healthy appreciation for meat by-products. Apply at post office box FIRESTARTER." 

Day 27 - Oooooh - It is Getting Closer to my Anniversary!

My one-month unemployment anniversary is coming up. What will my new steady beau/money bags Unca Sam get me? If the TWC web site is right, maybe I'll actually get my unemployment payments soon! It's a bit small, but the color works well with my skin tone. 

Day 26 - Time to Play the Unemployment Card

 

If I have to be unemployed, at least let me garner some good gets with it. You know - the equivalent of the "get out of jail free" card.  My proposal? The minute your company lays you off/sacks you/gets jealous of your gorgeous face, starts spreading lies about you and its boyfriend and then begins a full onslaught-campaign to ostracize you from the working community at large, you get an Unemployment Card. Think of it as a a cooler version of those crappy punch cards smoothie places hand out for customer appreciation (After 10 punches, you get a free one-fruit smoothie (apple only)!) 

Here are some applicable scenarios in which having the Unemployment Card (UC) would be just peachy keen. 

Scenario 1 - How about some checking account support?

Don't you think that, with such a large portion of people out of work and banks and credit card companies feeding off of bail-outs and healthy (hidden) fees, people who are less fortunate (aka out of a job) should benefit just a little bit? My proposal? With a flash of your UC, your local conglomerate, global bank should cough up $50. Just hand it to ya. Not every time - but at least twice. Punch. Punch. You have $100.

Scenario 2 - You say you don't want me but you haven't seen this ... 

Oy - I'm always G-rated, durnit, er dammit. Here's the set up: You've been interviewing with company XYZ for a month or longer. The process has included more than 3 interviews (or 5 consecutive hours of interviewing), a personality evaluation test (and don't get me started on those) and the dreaded, "Draw up a proposal for us regarding XYZ and how we can improve it." (Honestly, that's just free consulting work and shame on any company that asks for this without offering compensation. Let's face it. They're not just asking any John or Jane to do this. They're asking the people that have passed extensive vetting. It ain't fittin', it just ain't fittin'. [Thank you, Gone with the Wind.])  Upon the fourth request for an interview or show-of-strength (punch, punch, punch, punch), the unveiling of the UC card ensures immediate hiring. 

And there was much rejoicing.

Of course, there are numerous other applications for the UC. I'll noodle on them for later posts. Or you can just save me the brain work and suggest your own (credit given to each contributor. I don't hog ideas. Again, it ain't fittin'.)  

Day 25 - Oh Crap, I was Productive Today

To celebrate day 24, er 25 (I've lost count already) of my ... em ... liberation, I actually did something(s) productive today. 

One, I took advantage of a national chain of fitness clubs by signing up for a free two-week pass and then actually worked out. I will continue to use the pass every day until the offer expires and I must hop to the next club giving away free services. It isn't cheating. It's the American way. My way. (I'm obsessed with coupons lately. Not a bad habit to have.)

Two, as I got a chance to work out, so must my dog. She got treated to a two-hour visit to the local dog park where she confusedly sniffed the ground for 45 minutes until she caught on to the fact that she could help the pack chase the submissive dogs all around the park. It was truly lovely watching her be a bully.

Three, I finished a social media strategy proposal for a (potential) new client. It's my first social media strategy and my first (potential) new client.

Four, I cooked dinner. For me, that is a big big deal. Surprisingly enough, the boxed scalloped potatoes that I got for $1.25 on clearance tasted like a paper bag marinated in butter, old basil and urine and baked for 20 minutes at 425 degrees. 

Five, I started some online promotion for a nonprofit org I volunteer for. Keyword: Started. Facebook started hiccuping and I lost my patience. Good thing I have free time tomorrow.

Seeing how I was so productive today, God got mad and smote me.  Either the cheap a** potatoes or the cheap a** wine (or both) has (have) made my eyes swell up like full cow udders. Time to down some allergy eye drops, nose spray and anything else that looks medicinally useful - even slightly.

Well, let's see how things go tomorrow.

Day 24 - A Big Fat Sweet Valentine from Uncle Sam

Oh Uncle Sam. While I love the fact that your little brother - the great state of Texas - will someday pay me  unemployment benefits (24 days and counting with a dry well and I keep requesting payments), my love for you and your big red, white and blue hat is fleeing me faster than a senator denies an extramarital affair and illegitimate baby. 

First, I'm unemployed. Let's give a big thanks to a certain corporation that is based in a country  north of us. It's fabulous to be given the pink slip by a company that isn't even US-based. By comparison, I'd have fared much better if I'd been in the UK. It is not a simple process to lay someone off in the UK from what I've seen. In fact, it's quite complicated. Why can't you protect me like that, Unca Sam?

Second, I just did a dry run of my taxes and found out that for the first time since I've been filing taxes (many, many years; seriously I've been working since I was 15; well, that's the first year I filed taxes), I flippin' owe money. Let's get a couple of things straight: 2009 was hell year for me, both professionally and personally. Not to mention that I got docked pay when the corp decided to close business days in order to uh-hum maintain operational excellence. So my income wasn't much above what I made the year earlier. Now this goat-bearded dude wearing a star-and-stripes jumpsuit is visiting me with his hands out for money? Hey, I'm a good patriot. I realize my ride here isn't free. But this, with everything else?

Ah well. I'll do another run. Maybe the program miscalculated. Yeah. Maybe. 

In the mean time: Keep your distance my dear unca. I need a little time to suck it up.

Perfect Ad - Recession and Reproduction Friendly

How can I not share this? It's very thoughtful. If you're unemployed or making 50 percent less than you normally do thanks to cutbacks AND you think you might be preggers, it's a perfect Valentine's Day freebie/gift.

Day 22 - Labor here! Cheap, Ugly Labor for Hire!

In this market with unemployment rates soaring, it looks like it is paying off to be unattractive. According to this (overzealous) recruiter, when in doubt, hire the ugly person. His reasoning is that they'll be more loyal (Oh my, I'm ugly and you actually hired me!) and cheaper than dapper peers. 

 

With all the crap I have to worry about already (like selling my skills, creating interesting material and nailing interviews like Wonder Woman and the Hulk combined), now I have to worry about this too. Fine. Below is proof that I am not attractive. In fact, I am a hideous, hideous person. Will this get me in the door for an interview now? 

 

 

Geeeeezzzzz ...What will this jerks discriminate about next? Movie preferences?  

 

Yes, candidate B has all the skills we need, excellent references and a C cup. However, she cites Blade Runner as one of her favorite films. I don't think this will work out. 

Day 21 - Screw You Layoff List

In anticipation of my "liberation," I created my layoff list. It's like a bucket list, but instead of really cool things like skydiving and going to Tibet, the list includes all sorts of things I should have been doing already but never did. This includes:

• Train my dog
• Read poetry
• Study for my APR
• Write for fun
• Volunteer
• Organize cupboards/desk/closet (They look like Medusa's head right now - dangerous.)
• Brush up on my Spanish

And here I am, 21 days into my jobcation, and I have to say that the layoff list isn't exactly shrinking. 

On the plus side,I checked out a book on dog training today. Also today, I toured a nonprofit org today that concentrates on early literacy for children. A very good option for volunteering plus it came with the double whammy of "Hey Melanie, the world isn't all about you and your job search" (I could have sworn it was all about me. Oh well ...) And need I forget: The blogging counts as fun writing. Especially when I can wrap in more snarky comments. (I've been way too kind lately.)

The idea is that the layoff list will eventually be supplemented by things I'd like to do. For example, a police ride along. Or get my license to be a private detective. (Yes, I read too many mystery novels. Don't be too worried unless I start channeling other series I enjoy and try to cast spells or transform into a hobbit.) 

In the mean time, I keep chipping away at the list and knocking out errands in between networking and applying for jobs.  I should morph the list to include strange things as well such as begging on a corner (all money to be donated, naturally) or wearing a purple wig all day for no reason. Keep 'em guessing.

Day 20 - Phone Interviews and Trivia

Phone interviews are the sniff tests of employment searches - much like the sniffing you do when you are looking for a ripe cantaloupe. The interviews are populated with shameless pitching (on both sides), general questions (on both sides) and overblown expectations (usually on the interviewer's side.) Usually, they end up as the reeking, half-empty tuna cans in the job heap of your employment search (a.k.a. you never hear from them again.)

Though they are a necessary evil, I am working on a system to make them somewhat more bearable. Yes, research the company and the interviewer. Yes, refine your pitch. Yes, map your experience to the job description. BUT I am going to bring in the holy grail of phone interview success: Trivia. 

So it'd go something like this:

Interviewer: What do you consider a successful campaign? 

Me: Did you know that you need 345 squirts from a cow's udder to make a whole gallon of milk?

Interviewer: What do you consider your strengths?

Me: A person uses about fifty-seven sheets of toilet paper each day.  

Interviewer: Describe a stressful situation and how you coped with it.

Me: Bilbo Baggins was born on September 22 1290.

It's fool-proof. I will land many jobs. In fact, I need to go to trivia tonight to hone my skills. Beer, wings and obscure trivia questions here I come!

Day 19 - Mini-Vacay and a Slutty Pocket Book

After the tireless grind of job searching, job searching, networking and job searching, today inadvertently became a day of rest. Don't get me wrong - here and there I have taken a nap or two, but never a whole day. In this situation, it runs against my preservation instincts (and could count against me when it comes to unemployment benefits. That is, if I ever frickin' get them.) 

My original plan for today was to saddle up, head back to my homestead (I'm visiting) and hit the job stalking pavement. I woke up at the (shockingly late) hour of 7 to the sound of my nephews jumping on their bed across the hall. After a quick investigation, I realized I had no skills of real deduction without coffee. Couldn't even fake it. Here's a quick breakdown of my day thus far:

• 7:15: Cup of coffee. Must answer a question. Sip. Ok, now I can.
• 7:30: I join my sister in the daily herding of the boys. It runs something like this: Get your clothes on. Put the toys away. You have to get dressed. Where are your pants? Did you wash your face? We're leaving in 15 minutes. Hurry or you won't get breakfast! What do you want to eat? Bacon? !! Put your shirt on. 
• 7:45: The boys are dressed (miracle!) and loaded into the car. We begin operation drop off.
• 8:00: One child is loaded into his car pool. My sister does an emergency face cleaning with mommy spit. Mommy spit has paralytics built into it. Children are normally immune to it though. 
• 8:15: I declare that I need dog food. We decide to go to PetSmart.
• 8:20: It's frickin' closed. OK, we go to Lowe's for another errand.
• 8:40: Oooohhh, a new pot. All my plants are dead. I need a new pot. 
• 8:43: $10.48 later ... 
• 8:46: We move to Target. Pit stop and general browsing. 
• 9:01: PetSmart is open! I can buy food for my crazy puggle. 
• 9:05: $33 later ... 
• 9:20: Oh, time to rent a video. 
• 9:26: Crap. Does Redbox have nothing?
• 9:42: Crap. Does this Redbox have nothing?
• 10:15: Back at the house. We'll rent on-demand, dammit.
• 10:16: Younger nephew, who has a cough and is recovering from pink eye, immediately scoots upstairs to play Star Wars video games.
• 10:28: Ooooohhh, Drag Me to Hell. A young woman is cursed by a gypsy and condemned to an eternity in Hades. Sounds like my employment status. Let's watch.
• 12:30: My nephew refuses to eat until I bribe him with McDonald's.
• 12:27: Nephew: What do you mean we're not eating inside? We're eating inside Aunt Melanie.
• 12:55: We did the drive through. $10 later, he's scarfing down his chicken nuggets in a window of five minutes. He did not choke, thank goodness.
• 1:30: Back at home base and ... oooh, Law and Order SVU.
• 2:30: Nap. Really just a doze.
• 2:41: I should shower. 
• 2:55: Shower. Clean up. Good. 
• 3:11: Hit the Redbox again. Fixated on specific movie. 
• 3:13: I win. Got the movie and then some. I. Drink. Your. Milkshake.
• 3:28: Hmmmm - I should probably stop at Specs.
• 3:36: $30, two bottles of wine, a six pack and three cheeky text messages to my sister later ...   
• 3:45: Back at home base. Hmmm, time to crack open a brewsky.  
• 3:37: Brewsky cracked. 

It's funny how such a relaxed day could showcase just how extremely slutty my wallet is - always open. It's alright. I sell a couple of my TV series DVD sets and I more than break even. Trashy pocket book.  

I did cram a job interview into today's fray as well. So I did a little bit of something.

Day 18 - Recession Be Damned

Unexpected surge in sales = ability to expand blog production. I've hired day 18 and perhaps days 19-21 too.

Days 16 and 17 - Overhead

I laid off days 16 and 17. Had to cut back on operating expenses. The shareholders have expectations of profitability. Narf.

Day 15 - I Didn't Like You Anyway

It's the employment hustle: Force feed the job opps pipeline by working the network, stalking recruiters, scouring job listings, pumping hands, dancing, singing, divining and using one of those metal detectors (whilst wrapped in a Snuggie) that you see advertised on late night TV. 

The point is this: After hours/days of sweat, research, interviews, follow up and hope, you can end up right where you began - rejected from another job and wondering why you're throwing 10 low-calorie ice cream treats down your pie hole.

Rejection sucks. And I have to admit it's bothered me a little more than I thought it would. 

For example: One company's rejection left me sobbing on the phone to my sister. I wasn't sold on the company. I wasn't sold on the position. Yet, when I heard they found their "ideal candidate" (not me and btw, that's always an ouchy [and bullshitty] phrase to hear), I felt like the one kid in high school that never got a date.

No worries though. I'm working through my job rejection issues by building up a tolerance: Hitting on every man within voice distance, applying for every bank loan and credit card possible and writing (and submitting) bad poetry. Soon I'll be the equivalent of a rejection teflon. Go on, just try to make me care!

Day 14 - Reverse Tootsie

According to studies, reports, rumors, facts, theories, speculation, hard truths, surveys and water cooler chit-chat, women generally make less money than men for comparable jobs.  

According to some, it runs about 78 women cents vs. each man dollar. 

 If I want a job that pays (or at least an interview), it's time for a change. 

It's time for the reverse Tootsie.

 

I'm ready world. Bring me into your virile boardrooms, your posh executive offices, your cigar-piqued and leather-studded-furniture man rooms. I am Clark Rock Cujo. And I'm here to communicate.

Day 13 - The Networking Gong Show

Please God please don't let me be the Miss Dolly of the networking events.  

Instead, let me be Gene Gene the Dancing Machine.  

*fingers crossed*

Day 12 - Nice Mouth Ya Have on Ya

Potty mouths, trash mouths, wise mouths - so many mouths in the world. My particular favorite is the big mouth.

 

Tell anyone and everyone you're looking for work - it doesn't matter if it's your doctor, the mailman, your ex boss, an ex president or that ferociously cute guy who moved in next door. Tell them one and all and chances are, you might get a lead.

Of course, the karma of a big mouth demands you give some yin for their yang. Otherwise, you'll be the human equivalent of spam. And no one likes spam. They put people in jail for that. Or at least fine them.

And don't get your mouths mixed up. Although I'm tinkering with a request for help that uses all of George Carlin's seven dirty words you can't say on TV, I'm not expressly hopeful that it'll gain mainstream support.

Day 11 - Enjoying the Little Things, Despite the Drizzle

Today, in honor of my new job-free status (yes, I'm milking it a bit), I got up early, leashed up the dog and headed out to Lady Bird Lake for a walk/job, er, jog.  

Despite today's slight drizzle, it's always a beautiful place to work out - trees arching into the water, ducks jobbing, er, bobbing in the water, runners in size-six spandex (both men and women, everyone is slender in Austin) and an occasional vaguely evil-looking person trudging by in a dirty coat.

The dog enjoyed the walk/jog. Heck I did too. One-third of the enjoyment was the fact that, on a Monday morning, I still feel like I'm playing hookey. Two-thirds stemmed from the fact that it's a natural boost to job, er, job, er JOG - all the endorphins and such. 

Good times, despite the drizzle. Give me a good view, my crazy dog and a pair of sneakers. I'll appreciate 'em, now that I've finally got time to.