Day 59 - The Penny Shimmy and Unfaithful Spouse (This Rant Starts with the Letter ... )

One of my* online job search resources shipped me** an article about how to "remain empowered after months of job searching."

Fabulous. Great advice. "Keep searching. Oh - and work out and eat right, you lazy sardine!"

Want to know my secret? Actually find a frackin' job. Then, after months and months (or years) of dancing for pennies*** during interviews (I can cabbage patch, wanna see? Wanna see?), you can finally settle ("settle" being the operative word) down and marry the mediocre "spouse" of your dreams (probably for a couple of months to a year or until said spouse finds someone who can do your job cheaper. Like a 20 year old with no degree.) And live happily (not so) ever after.**** 

* Guest post by Grump E. McGrumpgrump. Hard to believe, right?
**Again, guest post. By someone far grumpier (eviler) than I (usually) am - a Mr. Hyde to my Dr. Jeckyll, a Faith to my Buffy (if only I were as cool as Faith), a Meat Lovers to my Veggie Delight  ... you get the idea now, doncha?
***Watch the clip to the end. It's Christopher Walken. And he's re-al-ealllllly working for his pennies. 
**** Ok, maybe it's time for bed now. Grump is full-blown Godzilla now! (Click the link, click the link!)

The Red Queen Effect

Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that! - Red Queen, in Louis Carroll's Through the Looking Glass.

Even a fictitious queen from 19th-century children's book gets to be snotty about job searches.

It's an endless, full-speed cycle this job hunting business: Network, stalk recruiters, scour job listings, pump hands, pitch, sing and dance like Gene Kelly, take peyote and learn to say your name in Middle English and write it in runes. (Well, that's almost the pattern. But you'd be surprised how often those obscure things can be helpful. Not often, BUT it is great fun to recite the Canterbury Tales intro in Middle English. My ninth grade English teacher had me memorize it. Yeah, I can forget algebra and every bit of science but that jewel never gets burned out of my brain pan.)

Perhaps even more obnoxious (and relevant to job searchers) is the fact that there's a whole evolution theory tied to the Red Queen (the Red Queen Hypothesis). Described as an evolutionary arms race, it basically says, "Oh, you can't reach that? You're arms are too short?* Well mine aren't. And my whole species' aren't. You ain't gonna last long around here." (This is an extremely technical description, so if you have questions let me know.)

And such is the scatter-patter of job searching. Your arms better be longer, your experience better be better, your salary reqs lower and btw, please exhibit the skill sets of five completely different jobs.

There's talk that jobs are opening up, but unemployment continues to rise. There's talk of salvation (and success stories), but there's also talk of frustration.

Me, I'll just push forward with the Red Queen's advice and see where I end up.

* Disclosure: My family calls me stubby arms. It goes over really well during Rummikub games when I can't reach the tiles.