If I have to be unemployed, at least let me garner some good gets with it. You know - the equivalent of the "get out of jail free" card. My proposal? The minute your company lays you off/sacks you/gets jealous of your gorgeous face, starts spreading lies about you and its boyfriend and then begins a full onslaught-campaign to ostracize you from the working community at large, you get an Unemployment Card. Think of it as a a cooler version of those crappy punch cards smoothie places hand out for customer appreciation (After 10 punches, you get a free one-fruit smoothie (apple only)!)
Here are some applicable scenarios in which having the Unemployment Card (UC) would be just peachy keen.
Scenario 1 - How about some checking account support?
Don't you think that, with such a large portion of people out of work and banks and credit card companies feeding off of bail-outs and healthy (hidden) fees, people who are less fortunate (aka out of a job) should benefit just a little bit? My proposal? With a flash of your UC, your local conglomerate, global bank should cough up $50. Just hand it to ya. Not every time - but at least twice. Punch. Punch. You have $100.
Scenario 2 - You say you don't want me but you haven't seen this ...
Oy - I'm always G-rated, durnit, er dammit. Here's the set up: You've been interviewing with company XYZ for a month or longer. The process has included more than 3 interviews (or 5 consecutive hours of interviewing), a personality evaluation test (and don't get me started on those) and the dreaded, "Draw up a proposal for us regarding XYZ and how we can improve it." (Honestly, that's just free consulting work and shame on any company that asks for this without offering compensation. Let's face it. They're not just asking any John or Jane to do this. They're asking the people that have passed extensive vetting. It ain't fittin', it just ain't fittin'. [Thank you, Gone with the Wind.]) Upon the fourth request for an interview or show-of-strength (punch, punch, punch, punch), the unveiling of the UC card ensures immediate hiring.
Of course, there are numerous other applications for the UC. I'll noodle on them for later posts. Or you can just save me the brain work and suggest your own (credit given to each contributor. I don't hog ideas. Again, it ain't fittin'.)
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2 comments:
You're a nut! I like the idea. I think you should definitely be able to use it for beer. And ice cream. What happens when the punches run out? Do you get a new card? Or do you apply for something different like a Lonestar card. I think it should be something else you have to put on your key chain. Seems that is the way your prove yourself an American citizen these days. Kroger card, blockbuster card, gym card, cvs card. Now the UC swipey!
I like it, K. You've always been a smart cookie. RE: beer - I think you should be able to walk into a liquor store, pick up a six pack, show the card and walk out. Or just walk out and when they stop you, flash it. Hey, I need this six pack of Negra Modelo. I'm unemployed. Hmmm ... renewal of perks should be every six months. And that's being conservative on my part. HA!
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