At the tender age of 16, Britain-born Patrick was kidnapped [by an evil corporation] and forced into slavery [unpaid internship] in Ireland.While there, he was visited in his dream by the CEO of the leading faith-based inspirational organization. Inspired, he broke free from captivity [take this job and shove it!] and returned home to study to be a priest [continuing education.] After joining the priesthood, he returned to Ireland as a bishop [MBA in hand]. Mostly, he converted the rich [in accordance with his business strategy] so that they could support the church [and thus create new revenue streams.] But he did bring in a fair amount of poor converts [aka your modern day Americans. Spend further into debt, peons!] He accomplished this by using a shamrock to demonstrate the Holy Trinity [the least expensive promotional giveaway ever.]
Today, we celebrate his accomplishments by wearing cheap plastic green accessories and overindulging in beer [Enron style, bay-beee!]
The end.
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