Day 101 - Happy Anniversary

Yesterday marked my 100th day of unemployment. I celebrated with friends, although the happy hour was put together for an entirely different reason and I completely forgot to tell my friends that it was day 100. We were too busy celebrating good news, catching up, enjoying a mild, sunny day and drinking by the lake. All in all, a nice anniversary.

PS: I tried to get them all to flip me off for the picture. Although they are 10x more outgoing than I am, the general consensus was "No way. Suck it."

PPS: Will they sue me for posting this picture? After all, it will be seen by [at least] half of my 10, er 11 reader (who I thank and appreciate immensely.) 

PPPS: Ahh, screw it.

Day 99 - Nice Wake Up Call

My normal schedule during the morning (if it can be said that I have a normal schedule other than waking at some point and stumbling around like a fresh zombie) is to get some coffee and turn on the news. Most often, I start with CNN, get the main stories in 15 minutes and then flip away to avoid the news repeat cycle. My fist was wrapped around the remote, ready to click when my blurry eyes saw a Neutrogena commercial.

It was simple - a shot of the famous amber Neutrogena bar (or sewer water color if you prefer). The voice track says (to the effect of this, not word for word - remember this is 6:30 am), "When you were 14, you relied on Neutrogena to keep your skin clear and clean."

Ok, fair enough. I was more of a Noxzema chick, but many teens did use Neutrogena.

Then the picture shifts to a Neutrogena tube of some sort (magic cream, I'm sure.) The voice continues, "A few years later, you rely on Neutrogena to fight wrinkles."

A few years later? It's hard enough to be dated material in the world (Oh, she's over 30. That's a shame.) but now we're having to battle wrinkles at the age of 16? Great way to 1.) add to the insecurity of teens everywhere (16 and hag bound, baby!) and 2.) piss off anyone over the age of 16 (Now that I can legally vote, it's all downhill from here.) 

See? This is the kind of crap we have to face in life AND work. Btw, what's my expiration date again? 

Day 96 - A Mobile Weekend

There's all this chat, doncha know, about how mobile is the next big thing, we will soon be jettisoning our lap tops and (for some unfortunate souls) desk tops to work solely from a smart phone.

I love the concept of this. Concept. The fact of the matter is, while you might have the phone and apps to pull this off, the rest of the world isn't quite ready for your mobility. And by rest of the world, I pretty much mean websites. (Yes, my world is small.)

For example, a conference took me to Chicago this weekend. The internet connection in my room didn't work, which basically made me think, "Wow, how totally useless my over-sized lap top is right now." No worries, right? I'll have my Droid so I won't completely be in the cave, wearing animal skins and dreaming of that fire substance the tribe across the river has.

I was surprised by how often I'd get frustrated. 

Basic tasks - no problem. I could Tweet, post on Facebook, check my e-mail, read docs - it's all good. But then I had to check in to my flight. United's website was a PAIN on my phone, with scrolling and retyping, etc. (And no Droid app.) Then, when the process was finished, I still would have to find a kiosk at the airport to print out the boarding pass because United doesn't accept passes on smart phones.

Even Blogger let me down. Yes, I can post to my account by e-mail. But, honestly, that is sooooo 2005. I need my app fix!

Maybe it's just me - user error, learning curve, blah blah blah. But by the end of the trip, my fingers were itching for a keyboard - positively itching.

And PS: Having a poor internet connection at the airport is like waving a beer in front of an alky. I can smell it, but actually ingesting? Two minutes to pull up search results? It's frackin' cruel. CRUEL! Hmmmmm. Speaking of beer ....

Day 93 - Sideswiped

My mom once told me a story of a relative who was scared to death of driving on Houston highways. (This is somewhat understandable since Houston highways are the paved playgrounds for drivers that attended the schools of Mad Max, Cannonball Run and Fast and Furious.) My relative would enter the freeway, be too scared to get over and have to take the very next exit. And on and on it went with nary a few seconds of highway time clocked in.

I grew up driving in Houston, so this type of speed- and gymnastics-based driving is second nature to me. Taking it slow? That's just a ticket to accident land. 

So when I moved to Austin, I immediately realized that the cultural differences between the cities spanned further than music and arts. Austin drives ... sssssllllloooooowwwww. You can imagine the frustration level for a hardcore speed demon. If you sifted through negatives from Austin traffic cameras, I'm sure you'd find more than one picture of me red faced, fist thumping and (my forte) cursing (Yes, it's a picture but you could read my lips. I wouldn't be saying, "Thanks for the lovely invitation to take tea with you Thursday next.")

So it came as a surprise to me that, while driving from Austin to Houston today, I nearly got sideswiped twice. Both were trucks doing the classic traffic weave - a desperate search for the fastest lane which often means crossing across lanes with little or no regard or cutting off other cars while trying to get ahead of them (or others.) This usually yields them one or two car lengths ahead of where they were before and they initiate a new cycle by riding the car's bumper in front of them until a new slot opens.  But - almost sideswiped twice? WTF? It's Thursday at 3 pm. What's the frickin' hurry?

Then it hit me: Maybe I finally am the Austin driver - Going a little slower, rolling down the window and listening to The Low Lows or Nervous Turkey (for the record, I'm not even a cool enough Austinite to really know the bands well. Chide away!) Has my automotive DNA been forever altered? Have I exorcised the speed demon? Purged myself of the Houston habits?

Worried, I checked my mileage. I was going 85 mph. Oh thank goodness. They were just a**holes.

Tell Me Something I Don't Know

A study was released today that states women still earn less then men.

Really? Really? What's next? A study that discovers that bears s*** in the woods?

Welcome to the party. You're about 18 generations too late.

Day 92 - Casting Call

Assistant: Brenneman?
Yes? Yes?
Assistant: They'll see you now.
Great. Thanks.
[Enters dank room with three sputtering light bulbs and five shadowy people seated at a table, panel-style]
Interviewer: Name?
MJ Brenneman
Interviewer: Experience?
More than 10 years of PR, marketing and communications for B2B technology companies.
Interviewer: Hmm ... Claus, does she look market-y to you?
Claus: I don't know. I imagined marketers as more ... bubbly. Aren't they bubbly, Cherise?
Cherise: Yes. And very skinny.
Interviewer: Thank you, Cherise. Yes. Bubbly. Skinny. Hmmmm. [pause, paper shuffle] Brenneman?
Yes?
Interviewer: Read the lines, please.
I have supplemented my core experience in public relations by branching into multiple communications disciplines.
Interviewer: Why are you dancing?
Just want to show you my full range of talent. 
Interviewer: Hmmm. Interesting. Claus?
Claus: Stop dancing and read the lines.
Messaging and timely communications are vital components of managing a corporate crisis. In your case, I would have counseled -
Interviewer: Stick to the scripted lines.
Oh, sorry. I thought the lines could have been more personalized, you know - relevant. Ok, ok. [slight pause] Um, I find myself bored if I'm not working 60 hours a week. I think men should make more money than women.
Claus [aside]: That was delivered quite well. 
While I enjoy strategic contributions, I'm not above helping with day-to-day tactical operations.
Zoe [to Claus]: Arrgggh, this is incredibly boring. Let's move on to the next one.
Chaos appeals to me. 
Interviewer: I don't know. I think there's something there.  
Processes should be organic.
Zoe: Stop. That's enough.
Oh - enough? Ok.
Interviewer: Zoe? Are you sure?
Um, thanks for your time. 
Claus: I think she has promise.
Zoe: I don't like that shirt she's wearing. I don't like her hair. She's out.
May I contact you if I have any questions?
Interviewer: Don't call us. We'll call you. 

Day 91 - Twitter, Tweet, Chirp, Flap and all that Jack

The arguments for Twitter, depending on which camp you're enjoying a pint of Guinness with (and in this case, I'm at the fire pit with marketers), are that it enables engagement, expands your audience and enhances communications. So we (marketers) draw up strategic plans, follow the hotshots, build up followers, stress over which applications to use, create and attend seminars with "Twitter" in the titles and use the word "brand" a lot. And by doing this, we have legitimized the outlet from a business perspective.

That's what we do. Marketers get new toys and convince everyone to play with them. It's a gift/talent, really.

But for me - above all these (legitimate) uses -Twitter is, basically, a chance to eavesdrop on everyone and all of their conversations (real time and past.) And then you add Four Square in and now you know not only what they're saying but where they are. And yes, while this may cause quite a bit of privacy concerns for folks, for me - the busy body - holy cow. I've come home. 

Someone, get me some popcorn and binoculars! If you need me, I'm at chez Kravitz.